


Steps

by amuk



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Arranged Marriage, Break Up, Community: 31_days, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Sisters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-27
Updated: 2013-01-27
Packaged: 2017-11-27 04:49:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/658181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amuk/pseuds/amuk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life is taken slowly, one step at a time as Hinata discovers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Steps

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt/Date: Behind Closed Doors/Aug 22
> 
> I'm rather sad with how I made Neji a huge twat for the first half of this. T_T He shouldn't have been like that.

“Your fiancé is Neji,” Hinata’s father told her. She wasn’t paying attention at first because they were in the big, white room that was in the last door of the hallway. When she first went in that room, she was four and had found out about her mother’s death.

( _“W-Where is m-mommy?”_

_“She’s gone. Dead.”_

_“D-d-d-dead? What? I d-don’t—”_

_“She’s gone forever. You should know the word death by now, your sister does.”_

_“T-that’s not w-what I m-meant. I mean, w-why?”_

_“…Stuttering is a bad habit. I don’t want to hear you talk like that again. If you do, you shall be punished accordingly until you stop.”_ )

 

Every time after that, she found out that she was weak, useless, and worthless. This room was a place where bad things happened and she had frozen up for a moment, preparing herself for the next insult.

 

“Fiancé?” Hinata finally spoke after the words registered in her mind. “I’m engaged?”

 

“Yes. He’s from the lower section of our family but it is necessary that you marry him. He’s intelligent enough to manage the empire he is taking over as well as having pure enough blood to keep our bloodline intact.”

 

“What about our children?” She had heard things, read them in magazines, about how children from related parents grew up with birth defects.

 

“You will produce a legitimate, healthy heir.” The tone in his voice was final.

 

“When is the wedding?” There was no point in arguing about it. Her father was someone who remained firm to his words, never changing his mind or apologizing. At least, he never apologized around her. If she was getting married, she was getting married.

 

“In three days.”

 

“T-three days?” Hinata rarely stuttered around her father (the slaps and angry words that came whenever she stuttered made her stop—an act of self-preservation. She remembered the merciless beatings, when she would collapse on her bed unconscious and her arms were sore and red for days. She wanted to never stutter again) but she had expected more time.

 

“You will meet him at the wedding, not before. This will prevent any scandals.” With those words, her father left the room, leaving the girl to her own devices.

 

She remained in the room for a moment before quietly striding to her bedroom, her shoulders shaking.

 

-x-

 

“You’re getting married,” Shino stated, his eyes hidden behind his dark shades and his voice sounding oddly clear even though it was coming out from a thick, grey scarf.

 

It was fall, with cool breezes and colourful leaves. Hinata nodded, shivering, and pulled up her coat. “In two days.”

 

“Aa.” He looked away from her, watching a butterfly meander through the grass.

 

“I’m…” Hinata didn’t have many confidents. Her position never allowed her to be too friendly. At any moment, her words could be used against her and the only creature that was trustworthy would be her sleeping friend, a green rabbit. “I’m worried.”

 

Shino was someone she could trust to keep quiet about things as well. He only spoke when he felt like it, never talking more than he needed to.

 

“…”

 

“I…My cousin hasn’t spoken to me in years. He doesn’t like me…I think it has to do with my lineage and how Father treated him.”

 

Shino said nothing but she could tell he was listening.

 

“I know he’ll treat me properly—when people are watching. I’m afraid for those moments when we are alone, when we are away from prying eyes and he doesn’t have to wear a cool mask. I’m afraid of the years I’m going to end up spending alone, I—” Her voice broke off here and she broke down.

 

Shino watched her, putting a hand on her back comforting and listened to her finish. “I love you and…I won’t be able to much longer.”

 

He didn’t reply, didn’t give her any advice during their meeting, but it was enough for her. She already knew what she had to do and it felt good to cry in front of someone who would respond.

 

When she was calm enough, Hinata stood up and gave him a small smile. Thanking him, she left the small café they had been sitting in.

 

On the table, she left an invitation to her wedding.

 

-x-

 

“Hello,” Hinata entered the room her father had called her to. Oddly enough, he wasn’t there yet. He never was late for any of his meetings, no matter how trivial the matter was, and for him to be so when they were discussing (Discussing? As if. It would be him telling her what to do for) her wedding…

 

It was just unusual.

 

Sitting down on a hand-carved chair in front of an elegant desk, she noticed a sheet of papers that lay open. One sheet in particular caught her eye, one title ‘Prospective Husbands’.

 

She saw Neji’s name on the list, as well as a few other cousins she didn’t know very well. There were a few other names she recognized, all from prominent families such as the Uchiha. Beside their names was a list of their attributes and who they should get married to.

 

Hinata turned cold when she noticed her younger sister’s name.

 

“Hanabi…”

 

Footsteps echoed in the hall and Hinata quickly straightened her posture.

 

“Hinata,” her father spoke as he regally approached the desk, “The wedding is tomorrow, starting officially at four in the afternoon. You will be getting ready at noon, after you have eaten. The rest of the schedule,” Since when was a wedding put in a ‘schedule’? “is on this sheet. Follow it perfectly.”

 

She gave a tight smile, taking the sheet, and departed from the room.

 

-x-

 

“So, you’re getting married.” Hanabi stood in the doorway, watching her sister getting ready for her marriage.

 

“…” Hinata didn’t reply. Instead she started to work on her hair, brushing it with short, even strokes so that the long strands were not tangled.

 

Words didn’t work with Hanabi. No matter what Hinata said to her, Hanabi took it as an insult.

 

“Congratulations,” the younger sister said bitterly, her voice a jabbing knife, “Finally leaving the cage.”

 

Hinata stopped brushing, her hands lowering as she turned to face her sister.

 

“Hanabi, I—”

 

“Save it. I don’t want to hear another apology, another lie. I know what you’re doing.”

 

“No, that’s not it!” Hinata raised her voice above the soft pitch it normally was. If only her sister could just see—

 

“Oh, then what is it? I’m not going to have even more restraints now?” Angry eyes stared at Hinata and she stopped talking.

 

Hearing nothing, Hanabi smirked coldly. “I thought so.”

 

-x-

 

Hinata wasn’t sure when she started to love Shino. Maybe it was because he was always there for her, a solid thing she could lean on and touch.

 

He wasn’t her first, no, that would be the blonde, blue-eyed dream she had for years and still had after she started to blush around Shino. She loved both boys, just in different ways.

 

The dream would remain a dream, one she could sink into when she felt weak and watch, but the moment she tried to touch it, it would break and she’d see reality. Shino was more reliable, someone she could depend on and trust.

 

She’d go to him when she was lonely, when she was happy, when she needed someone to feel human and alive.

 

Either way, somewhere along the way, after years of talking to each other and revealing secrets best left that way, Shino changed from being a friend to something more.

 

Someone special, someone she loved.

 

( _“Hinata, go through these doors now. It’s starting.”_ )

 

She wondered how hurt he must have been watching her get married. She knew it hurt her more than she’d ever let on.

 

-x-

 

Neji didn’t marry Hinata for love. That much was for certain. She didn’t think he even had the capacity for love after the way he treated her. Always, no matter where he was, he’d remain cool and collected. His sharp eyes would watch everyone carefully, observing all the details until he makes his move.

 

In public, at least, he’d allow her to be nearby. Sometimes his fingers would clutch her wrist, pulling her behind him. Other times he’d loosely place his arm around her shoulders. People watching would call them an adorable couple, loving his ‘romantic’ ways with her.

 

(No one noticed that they never held hands, that he’d never pull her closer.)

 

She knew better. When they were alone, he’d ignore her. Sometimes he’d insult her, telling her things she’s heard for years. Somehow, when they came from him, they rang truer than usual.

 

A few months into their wedding, when they lay there half-asleep on the bed, she realized that was an error in her observations.

 

He did love someone. Neji would never show that when he was fully awake because he hid his secrets very well. However, at night, the walls fell and he would accidentally mention things.

 

In his dream-like state, he muttered a girl’s name and broken promises.

 

-x-

 

“Hello, Hinata, Neji. I’m Temari,” a blonde girl introduced herself to the pair before turning to Neji and talking to him about her family. She was practically royalty, considering who her parents and now her brother were and therefore was invited to the party.

 

This was supposed to be the first social event where the Neji and Hinata would appear as a married couple, the first event where Neji would appear as the heir.

 

(And the first event where Hinata would be all alone. No one tried to penetrate the invisible barrier, no one tried to talk or dance with her. Her husband was more important.)

 

Glancing around, Hinata quietly took a sip of wine, glancing around the room to the brightly dressed guests. Shino didn’t come (she could guess why) and her husband was busy introducing himself to one extinguished guest after another.

 

“Hinata,” Neji murmured and she glanced at him. “We have to dance now. I trust you know how to dance?” There was something mocking in that tone.

 

“Yes, I learned when—”

 

Neji ignored her, pulling the girl (his wife) behind him. Standing in the center of the room, a waltz was played and slowly, they twirled around the room.

 

As she felt his hand on her waist, Hinata shivered. His skin was cold. Fitting.

 

It was just like the man himself.

 

-x-

 

“Shino,” Hinata whispered, feeling self-conscious as she nervously nibbled her lip. Glancing around the shop once again, she tried to spot anyone she knew.

 

“Hinata, we won’t be spotted.” Shino’s statement reassured her, a calming affect to her storm-tossed soul, and she gave a small smile.

 

“It’s nice to see you again.”

 

“It is.” He nodded back to her smile. Emboldened, she quickly squeezed his fingers before letting go.

 

They were still coarse and firm, she noted before giving a gasp of surprise when Shino stopped her hands from leaving his.

 

He said nothing and she didn’t question him. It felt good to touch him again, to know he still cared about her.

 

“I…I’m surprised to have seen you outside, shopping,” Hinata continued, trying to break the uncomfortable silence that lay between them. “I didn’t expect to see you when I was buying a book.”

 

“I shop.” She couldn’t see his face clearly because of his scarf and glasses, but she could tell that he had _that_ look again. The one where he sulked because he had been forgotten or doubted.

 

“I know,” she reassured him, giggling. They were still friends, still able to talk to each other, still—

 

“…We should visit more often,” Shino stated, staring (she thinks) at her face.

 

“Um…”

 

“You need it.”

 

“Oh…but…” Her voice trailed off and she squeezed his hands. He always did know what she needed.

 

After having to spend weeks with Neji, having to deal with his scorn and prolonged silences, it was comforting to spend time with Shino and not feel like she was worth nothing.

 

“Your restaurant,” he continued, glancing out the window, “It’s open today.”

 

“It is…”

 

“And it is lunch time.”

 

“Oh!” She started to stutter. “B-but…I m-mean….wouldn’t t-that b-be…”

 

For a moment, Shino just listened to her before pulling her behind him. “We’re eating.”

 

Hinata stiffened before relaxing. It would be nice to eat with Shino, she thought, squeezing his hand softly.

 

It would have been nicer if she could have done this everyday.

 

-x-

 

“I expect you to be awake by six, dressed and washed by six thirty, and finished eating by seven,” Neji said as they sat facing each other in the dining room. The table was long and empty, a mile spreading between them, and she felt as though she was hearing him from across a large distance.

 

“I also expect that you will be ready for any guest that appears, no matter what time it is, and that you will retire to bed at ten. ”

 

These were only a few of the rules he imposed on her, things that would make her the proper lady and wife.

 

“Neji…” Hinata spoke, “What about other parties and—”

 

“There will be a schedule in my office. Check it in the morning to see what you are doing. If there is something you have arranged, right it down the day before so I will know.”

 

Neji watched her reaction, watched her face distort. There was a small show of frustration, a stubborn look of wanting to break each of his rules. Then came an accepting look, one of resignation. She knew her place and knew that she would have to follow his rules.

 

He smirked as he continued, straight to the point, and organized his (their) new life.

 

Everything fit in his puzzle, no stray pieces left to figure out. His world was filled with order and he expected everyone to follow it.

 

Strangely enough, he wasn’t sure where to put Hinata in that world. She didn’t quite fit where he wanted her to.

 

-x-

 

“You need to have a child soon.”

 

That was the first thing she heard when she stepped into the (emptycoldbinding) white room. Her father was standing before her, looking down (as always. When did he never look down at her?) at his small daughter.

 

“We…We have just been married for six months.” That is the only excuse she can offer.

 

“We need an heir. A successor and in six months you haven’t become pregnant.” Her father eyes were stern and harsh, daggers stabbing her with each word. Nothing will pacify him until there was a child.

 

“Yes, Father,” she replied, obediently.

 

(Always obediently. A trained dog, an animal that meekly bowed because she knew what will happen if she didn’t follow orders.)

 

“Good. I don’t want others to think that there will not be grandchildren. They will doubt that your marriage is helpful. And I am never wrong.”

 

 _But you are. You always are. You just force everyone else to bend until you become right._ These words remain unspoken, lingering in the air. She could swear that he knew what she was thinking when his face hardened and he sent her out of the room. That was a silly thought, though.

 

“Remember, I want a grandson,” Specific as usual. “Within a year.”

 

She didn’t answer, already out of the room and flying far away.

 

-x-

 

When Hinata became pregnant for the first time, there was not much of a change within Neji. He didn’t suddenly become softer, didn’t suddenly smile at her and give her presents.

 

What did change was that he stopped insulting her. No longer did she hear words thrown at her, gunshots that wounded her and left her bleeding on the bed until the morning. She didn’t have to be as careful with her words, no longer had to skirt around the edge of a precipice that would make him snarl like a wild beast.

 

She actually could spend her mornings comfortable in bed, snuggling into the soft blankets and watch the sun rise.

 

On one such morning, she rubbed her stomach as she softly crooned to the baby growing inside. “I’m your mother,” she whispered, before glancing at the brightly painted sky. “Soon you’ll be able to see that sunrise. I wonder if you’ll be a girl or a boy.”

 

Secretly, she wished for a daughter. A little girl; someone who she could share secrets with and have all to her own.

 

“Your first inspection is tomorrow. The driver knows where to take you. Do not forget,” Neji spoke from the door, startling her.

 

“Y-yes,” she stammered.

 

A small smile flashed for a moment across his face when he glanced at her swelling belly. It was gone before she could fully take it in; making her wonder if it was even there in the first place.

 

“Goodbye.” He left for his office, having more work to do, and she felt a pleasant flush on her face.

 

 _He should smile more often,_ she thought idly. _It makes him seem more…human._

 

-x-

 

“Move closer,” a painter motioned to the couple. All the Hyuuga leaders had to have their portraits done; it was tradition. “I need you to get just a little closer.”

 

Their painting was being done a little later than usual because the family’s official painter had been sick for a short time. This painter and his family was the only one used, another tradition that Hinata didn’t understand.

 

Neji and Hinata stood there, regal purple and handsome red covering them. Their clothes were made of the finest silk and everything spoke of royalty and wealth.

 

Hinata obeyed, shyly, as she moved slightly back. Neji was never this close to her normally, instead choosing to keep a distance between the two when they didn’t have to act like a proper couple.

 

“A little closer,” the painter motioned as he dipped his paintbrush.  An exasperated sigh came from behind her and suddenly Hinata was pulled back. Neji firmly pressed her into his chest and she gave a gasp of surprise.

 

“Perfect,” the painter said as he started to paint.

 

When he painted, he didn’t paint the obvious distance between the two. He ignored the hard look in Neji’s eyes and the frightened curl of Hinata’s hands. The painter valued his job too much to show these things.

 

Instead, he painted to air of familiarity that they had, the sense of understanding they shared.

 

-x-

 

“I…” Her words were frozen, stuck in her throat as usual. Whenever something important happened, she couldn’t speak. Once upon a time she was gently teased about this. All other times she was mercilessly scolded for that behaviour.

 

She couldn’t help it this time. She felt lost and empty (emptyemptyempty, that is her world, a place that is missing something important). She felt like she was still bleeding, like the little life that was inside of her was still slipping away from her and she could do nothing to stop it.

 

When she found out, she broke down crying. For two days, she remained silent and in mourning, missing the tiny spark of life in her stomach, missing the mornings filled with singing and conversations.

 

She missed the feeling that her son was listening, missed picking her food carefully for foods she liked and wanted him to love as well. The socks she had been knitting lay neglected on the floor, staring at her in the corner and reminding her of what could have been.

 

“He…”

 

Gone where the colour schemes for the nursery, the giggles she and the maids shared as they planned what sort of bears and animals they would buy the son. The flipping through magazines, the small talk about who the child would look more like, all of that turned into a dream.

 

Instead, she had sorrow-filled faces surrounding her, all of them looking at her in pity when they realized what had happened. Some talked to her like she was glass, like she would break apart from the seams just as her son (her darling, beautiful, amazing son-that-will-never-be) did.

 

“I know,” Neji’s voice hissed quietly, a low sound, “You…”

 

They were in the white room again and Hinata knew this would not end nicely. There would be no comforting from him.

 

“You are a failure,” he lashed out. His anger rose when she said nothing and her small figure shook. “You can’t do anything right. A weakling that can’t even keep her child. Your sister is better—”

 

Hinata froze at those words, remembering the paper she read before (a long time ago, in another world) and the words that were stuck flowed out.

 

“I…I will have a child. Soon.”

 

Neji looked at her distastefully, poison laced in his words. “You have no choice in that matter.”

 

Something bigger was destroyed in that room, Hinata felt. Something bigger like the beginning of trust and friendship.

 

-x-

 

Hinata found out, soon after her miscarriage, that stricter rules had been placed on her. She was only allowed to eat certain dishes, at certain times and there was no getting around them. The time she woke up and slept was monitored and if she went out, three of her maids had to follow her.

 

This made it harder for her to meet Shino, or so she thought, until one of the maids realized that her mistress need some time alone. That maid helped Hinata sneak away for small spans of time without having a group following her.

 

“He’s gone,” Hinata whispered brokenly into her friend’s chest. They no longer acted like lovers, instead like siblings, and she knew she could cry freely in front of him. “There’s…there’s…”

 

A hand rubbed her back for a moment before running through her hair. “There will be another.”

 

“My son…he’s gone…”

 

“ _You_ remember him.”

 

She sobbed into his chest louder and he just stroked her softly, not saying anything more. They remained like that for an hour.

 

 Shino claimed he didn’t know how to deal with people but she didn’t agree with that. If he hadn’t been there, comforting her, she didn’t think she would have survived.

 

Shino was someone who would always be able to help others. She only wished she could do the same to him.

 

-x-

 

Neji stayed in his room, lying on his bed. Staring at the ceiling, he closed his eyes for a moment and Hinata’s face swam to the surface.

 

Maybe he was too harsh on her. Miscarriages happen and she probably didn’t have anything to do with it. It was a natural part of life, dying, and their son just had to go.

 

His hands crumpled the blanket beneath him and his teeth clenched. Maybe Hinata wouldn’t have lost the baby had she had better food. Maybe she wouldn’t have lost the baby had she better care.

 

Maybe it was her fault after all.

 

Her face, covered in tears this time, appeared and Neji opened his eyes. Rolling over on his side, he drifted to sleep.

 

Sometimes it was easier not to think.

 

-x-

 

“I’m sorry,” Hinata said to her sister the next time they met. It had been over a year since the wedding.

 

Eyes flashing, Hanabi hissed, “Don’t think that will make up for it. Don’t think that will ever make up for the years I spent having to be your double, the years I spent trying to be perfect but that would never be enough, because I’m not you. I wanted to be ‘Hanabi’, you know. I wanted to be _me_. Every time I did, Father would tell me to learn something because you just couldn’t do it. Not because he thought I could do it, but because _you couldn’t do it._ ”

 

Hinata had nothing she could say against that. They had both been isolated, in a sense, from the family. One because she could never do anything right and the other because she could do everything perfectly.

 

Hanabi had been born second and because of that her own achievements could never be recognized.

 

“I…I…”

 

The younger sister cut in. “I wonder what would have happened if I was born first. Would Father have said my name only? Would I have to be perfect not so he could erase your mistakes but because he wanted me to be perfect?”

 

Hinata rose from the chair she was sitting in. The tea she had made a short while ago, after trying her best to make the drink her sister loved the most, had turned cold in its cup. The meeting hadn’t gone as she planned, hadn’t gone with the flow she hoped it would when she called her sister hours ago telling her to come.

 

“I wasn’t a good sister, was I?” Hinata spoke softly, true to her nature, and there was a hint of tears in her eyes.

 

(Only a hint. Never more.)

 

“We never met long enough to realize more than we are related.”

 

“Yes,” Hinata smiled, “Father thought I would make you soft and useless like me. He didn’t try to let me connect with the family too much because of this fear. I think it came from the elders, their council, instead of being his ideas. This is the only way I could forgive him.”

 

Hanabi remained silent, trying to figure out where this was going. Her sister never spoke too much, that much Hanabi knew, but more than that, her sister never spoke with such a broken, hurt tone.

 

They had learned from birth to hide all feelings of weakness and this was must have been extremely painful for her to think about to even show this much emotion when she was in front of a stranger.

 

(Hanabi never once considered the fact that her sister didn’t think of her as a stranger.)

 

“I—We might not have been very close, but there was one thing I wanted to do for you. Something that would be my first and last gift to you.”

 

“I wouldn’t accept any gift from you.”

 

“You don’t need to, I’ve already given it. There are two of us—why should both of us live in a cage? I…” Hinata paused, walking to the door. She stopped in the doorway and finished her sentence.

 

“I got married so you could be free.”

 

“What?” Hanabi scoffed the idea. “Your marriage?”

 

“Yes. Father had decided that one of us had to get married in order to continue our line. You would have been the better choice, considering my faults, but I had to be asked about marriage first. Maybe they were hoping I would elope or run away when they told me of Neji. However, I fully accepted my marriage, didn’t try to fight it even the smallest bit, the moment I read one of his papers. It was either you or me.”

 

Hinata smiled sadly, looking back at her sister.

 

“We both have lived in this cage for a while now. Unlike you, though, I’ve also experienced a taste of freedom because they didn’t care about locking my cage. You never got to.”

 

“What?” Hanabi glared at her sister. “You think this will change anything? You think this…You think that by telling me this I will start to love you? I don’t. I never will. I wouldn’t even believe you if it wasn’t for the fact that Father would do something like that. Don’t think that by being the martyr I will start forgiving you.”

 

“I didn’t.” Hinata’s voice was so quiet that Hanabi had to strain to hear it. “I didn’t think this would change anything. I just hoped that after…after putting you through all of those things…I had hoped that maybe we wouldn’t have to hate each other as much. I had hoped that maybe you could see the world for yourself, like I had, instead of just doing as Father wants.”

 

With those words, Hinata gracefully rushed through the halls.

 

Hanabi also departed the room, albeit in a furious temper. Her sister _pitied_ her?

 

She’d show that pompous girl. Sacrificing everything just to save her, as though Hanabi needed the help.  

 

So arrogant. Not once thinking about what she would have to do with that information.

 

Scowling, Hanabi left the house and headed to the nearby stores.

 

“She thinks I’ll experience what she did?” she muttered, “Why would I want to do that? Even more hand-me downs? I’d rather get my own.”

 

-x-

 

“Do you think she’ll ever forgive me?” Hinata stared at Shino, waiting for the answer to paint itself on his face. He always knew the answer to everything.

 

“…” Shino took a bite from his sandwich and didn’t reply at first. He never spoke without thinking, that was something she valued about him.

 

“What do you think?” he finally answered after a long moment of squeezing her hands together and lip-nibbling.

 

“What I think?” she paused, “I think…she’ll never forgive me.”

 

It was a fear that possessed her, a fear that her sister would never accept Hinata’s feelings.

 

“Look outside,” he answered, looking out the window himself. There was a fog covering the streets and it was hard to see.

 

“Fog?”

 

“What happens to it?”

 

“…it disappears eventually.” Hinata knew he wouldn’t say anything more after that. This was his answer and it comforted her. The hate would eventually go away. She still doubted it because this was Hanabi they were talking about.

 

Hanabi kept grudges for a long time.

 

-x-

 

At her next birthday, Hinata was surprised to discover a small envelope among her many presents. Inside were a few pictures, some of various places around the world. There was no card, no note, nothing to indicate who it was from.

 

Instinctively, Hinata knew this was from Hanabi. It wasn’t so much as a gift as it was Hanabi showing what she could do.

 

It was too much to expect any reconciling between the two. Too many lies, too many unspoken words, and too many bitter feelings lay between the two for anything like that. Maybe a long time ago, before they hid from each other, before they learned to hate each other, they could have been friends.

 

The best she could hope for now was that, one day, the two sisters could talk to each other without anger. 

 

-x-

 

Shino was an interesting person to take walks with. Whenever they strolled in the park, he would show her the small creatures he discovered. “The smallest insect could be holding the biggest secret,” he told her one day. “Everything has value, everything is needed.”

 

Hinata didn’t believe those words at first. They went against everything she had been taught, against every word that had been spoken to her.

 

“No, everything is important.” There was a bug analogy after that, she couldn’t remember what, but he had said something that convinced her he was speaking the truth. Maybe it was his words, maybe it was his actions, but she changed slowly because of that day.

 

“This is a nice park,” Hinata told him as they strolled there. She had slipped out of the house for a while, thanks to her maid. There was a cool breeze and she slipped her hand into his. “There are so many memories from here.”

 

They walk around, a comfortable silence between the two. She wished she could have grown old with this man.

 

“The day I fell in love with you would be the day you told me about how everything is needed,” she confessed, sitting next to him as they watch children playing tag. A dog barks somewhere and she felt a sense of loss. “I think that was when I first learned of hope.”

 

“…no,” Shino disagreed. “This was when you first learned of courage.”

 

-x-

 

Hinata’s second pregnancy was a lot smoother than the first. Neji had a certain diet for her to follow, having food imported even in order to ensure the baby grew healthy. A set schedule on when she should sleep, eat, and do anything was also made.

 

Anything she wanted to do had to be told days in advance. Neji would check the activity, thinking it over, before either allowing Hinata to do it or refusing. A maid was always on duty, watching the girl and making sure she didn’t strain herself.

 

“I’m a doll,” she told the maid, the one that helped her so much, “I need watching and caring for, not able to do anything myself.”

 

“After last time, do you think he’d want you to?”

 

She knew a lot, that maid, and Hinata sighed in agreement. “You’re right.”

 

“You can still meet him, you know,” she whispered, a promise.

 

“True,” Hinata replied. _But for how long?_

 

-x-

 

Neji always wanted to be a father. When he was little, his own father was his ideal and Neji dreamed of doing that to his own child one day. He wanted to teach his own children about the world, show ways of handling problems, and help them grow.

 

Then his own father died and he instead wanted to have a son so that he can show how the branch family can be equal or superior to the main family. He needed a son so he could implant powerful techniques and intelligent thoughts into the next generation, so that the branch family can be seen as having the best and brightest.

 

Now that Hinata was pregnant again, he wasn’t sure of what to think. Of course, he was concerned.

 

His son had died already and he didn’t want another one.

 

Then he became furious because Hinata _let_ his (their) son die. His breathing came harsher and faster and all he could see was the colour red.

 

That feeling never lasted long because he just couldn’t keep hating Hinata. There was something about her that just threw his emotions off balance. He’d glare at her and she’d smile back. He’d yell and she’d look apologetic, like she had been at fault.

 

(And it was true, she had been wrong many times. However, he’d admit sometimes he shouldn’t have yelled at her.)

 

“Sir, your car is ready.”

 

Clenching his fist, Neji left his office thinking about Hinata and her pregnancy. This time, he’d do it right.

-x-

 

“I’m having a daughter,” Hinata told Shino. She patted her stomach, the bulge barely visible through her clothing, and smiled at Shino. “It’s been four months and I know this time she’ll stay.”

 

Shino nodded, a heavy air surrounding him. She knew without being told that this would be one of the last meetings they ever had like this. Love never always had its way, like those cliché romance novels said. Being a mother, there were things she was expected to do.

 

Meeting with her love was not one of them.

 

“She’s kicking!” She looked at Shino. “Do you want to feel it?” His hand slowly reached out and touched the small bump.

 

“She is.”

 

They stayed there, on the bench, watching people pass by. A couple strolled languidly through the park, kids ran around teasing each other, and lovers held each other close. There was a calm feeling in the air and there was no better day to part than this.

 

“It’s getting late,” Shino finally said, getting up. Hinata’s breath hitched, ( _stay, don’t go, just a little longer_ ) but she composed herself as she too got up.

 

“Goodbye,” he told her, turning away.

 

“Goodbye,” her muted voice tried to say but instead she just gave a small nod.

 

_Goodbye._

 

-x-

 

“Here.” A bouquet of light purple roses were pushed into her face and that was all she could see for a moment. Closing her eyes, she sniffed them gently and smiled. They had a pleasant scent.

 

Neji placed her hands onto the stems, letting her hold them, and she raised her head from the flowers.

 

“What’s the occasion?” she asked.

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Nothing?” She was surprised. Whenever he bought something, there was always a reason. That was just the practical man he was. He didn’t seem sick, didn’t seem hurt, so why would he buy flowers _‘just because’_?

 

“Yes.” He sounded irritated now, probably because of her questions, and motioned with his head. Following the movement, she let a small gasp escape her lips when she noticed the dark purple vase. It had a glossy finish, like marble, and she could see various patterns swirling on the exterior.

 

“Is that for…?” She didn’t finish her question as he nodded.

 

“Put the flowers in there, before they wilt.” With that, he gave a brief wave and left the room.

 

Hinata just stared at her flowers, smelling their perfume, before gently placing the stems into the vase.

 

It was oddly thoughtful of him.

 

Even more so when he bought another bouquet the week after and then the week after that.

 

-x-

 

Neji started to talk to Hinata more, telling her about their affairs or something he read.

“Temari, from The Sand, and her brothers are planning on helping us with our projects,” he informed her one day and she held her spoon in front of her face.

 

“Wha—?” She was in the middle of breakfast, eating porridge, and didn’t expect to hear anything from him. He had finished before her and was reading the newspaper.

 

“Our project will probably be completed faster now,” he continued, not hearing her question.

 

“I see.” She didn’t. At least, not in a different topic. He was talking to her, telling her about her family’s affairs.

 

Actually, more importantly, he was talking to her.

 

He never did that before. He started to read something out of the newspaper and she just half-listened, trying to figure out why he was doing this. Did she do something to please him? Or maybe he didn’t like the silenc—no, he actually would enjoy that.

 

Her meals were no longer a silent thing and she wondered why.

 

-x-

 

“Miss,” her head maid said one day, “You no longer meet _him_ anymore.”

 

Without asking, Hinata knew who she was talking about. “Yes, I don’t.”

 

“Is that fine?” The maid continued to make the bed, not looking up at her mistress.

 

“…No.” That was the truth, the real answer. It wasn’t fine. “It has to be, though. I have no options anymore.”

 

“You do, don’t you? You can still meet him, at least as a friend.” The maid started to fluff up the pillows, her back facing Hinata. The steady sound of her hands beating the pillow filled the room before Hinata finally answered.

 

“I….I need to get permission first. There is now a child to think of.”

 

“Really, ma’am? Then I hope you are happy with your husband for the moment because he won’t let you visit anyone until after the baby is born.”

 

Hinata said nothing, just stared at the pile of clothes in the corner that she had received from him.

 

_I might be._

 

-x-

 

Neji was softer now, his edges blurred, and Hinata wondered what happened to the man that used to mock her and hurt her. His harsh words didn’t fully disappear, there were still times when he would use them. However, after, he would then apologize.

 

Not directly, of course, but by instead giving her some sort of gift or treat. It was frightening, as though her husband had been replaced, but that wasn’t the case.

 

Neji had just changed. For some unknown reason, for either a short amount of time or permanently, but he had changed.

 

Hinata wondered if this was some sort of test to see if she would make a good mother. A test to see if she was fit to raise the next heir, to see if she would lead his (their) child down the right path.

 

She hoped she passed it.

-x-

 

“Hinata,” Neji asked one day as he lay beside her. She blearily turned to face him, trying to blink the sleep out of her eyes, and waited for him to continue. He no longer mentioned that other girl and instead asked for her opinion on matters instead.

 

“It’s going to happen soon, correct?”

 

Her pregnancy. “Yes.”

 

“Ahh…I will then have to make a plan, especially if our baby comes at night. The maids will have to be ready to assist you, a bag of items needed has to be packed, and I will have to warn Tsunade about the labour.”

 

“There is a month,” she told him, slowly falling asleep again. She felt a hand pat her head softly and she smiled.

 

He had said _our_ baby.

 

-x-

 

Hinata couldn’t remember the last twelve hours very well. There was pain—shots of it that still made her ache now—and there was sweat that stuck to her skin. She could smell it, a reminder that wouldn’t fade, and the noise of crying came through the open door.

 

Neji walked in and her daughter—yes, that was why she felt so much pain. Her daughter…there was a nice sound to that—was placed in her arms.

 

“My daughter,” she whispered into her baby’s thin wisps of hair.

 

“Our daughter,” Neji corrected and Hinata blinked, a little drowsy from the anesthesia. Oh, right. She remembered how Neji had changed over the last nine months. He was a little softer, his edges a little less blunt, and he was no longer the tormenter, the one who hated and insulted.

 

She felt sleepy again and noticed Neji lean down to pick up the baby so she could sleep properly. “Wait.” She clutched his arm and he looked at her. “I…” Her words weren’t forming properly and she pushed her clouded mind to work. “I…”

 

Neji said nothing, just stared at her, waiting. “I,” Hinata finally continued, “I want our daughter to have something. Something special. Promise me this.”

 

She didn’t hear a reply but it was enough. She knew he would listen and agree. “I want her to have a make-believe family, at least. A pretend mother and father, a pretend happy household. That much…” Her voice faded and she struggled to keep her eyes open.

 

As her sight disappeared into the darkness, she noticed Neji nod.

 

Hinata slept with a smile on her face.

 

-x-

“Mommy,” a little girl sang, running up to her mother. “I’m getting a little sister?”

 

Hinata motioned for the girl to come closer. “See this?” Hinata rubbed her belly. “This is where your little sister or brother is.”

 

“Oh…” The little girl stared, fascinated, before asking excitedly, “Can I touch her?”

 

Hinata nodded, glancing at the door where Neji stood, a small smile on his face before he disappeared quickly.

 

Remembering the promise he made before, she smiled softly to herself. She got her desire, a make-believe family where her daughter could be happy.

 

Only, it was not make believe. Not anymore.


End file.
